Today on NPR I hard about a website called “Information Age Prayer.” It is the’ “newest” way to pray! Why didn’t we think of this before??
Basically, you send your e-mail prayer request to the website (along with your introductory fee of $3.95 per month) and they will “pray” your prayer for you on a regular basis, using a voice digitizer to turn your e-mail into an audible voice (I guess God can’t read…?)
Information Age Prayer is a subscription service utilizing a computer with text-to-speech capability to incant your prayers each day. It gives you the satisfaction of knowing that your prayers will always be said even if you wake up late, or forget.
We use state of the art text to speech synthesizers to voice each prayer at a volume and speed equivalent to typical person praying. Each prayer is voiced individually, with the name of the subscriber displayed on screen.
You have your basic…
- Protestant Prayer
- Catholic Prayer
- Jewish Prayer
- Muslim Prayer
- Unaffiliated Prayer
- Other Religions (oops… “We apologize but other religions are not yet supported.”)
Why, you don’t even have to write your own prayer! They provide suggested prayers:
The Morning Prayer (“Subscribe to tell God that you think of him each morning!”)
Prayer for the Dead (“Pray for their easy journey for Only $4.95/Month”)
Prayer for the Sick (Although they do include the caveat to “Make God’s task easy and always see and follow directions of a medical doctor!”) Limited Time Only Up to 5 get well prayers each day $9.95/Month with space for you to put in the names of five sick friends [will God know who it is if the digitizer mispronounces the name??]
Prayer for World Peace (“This is a special prayer that is not religion specific.”)
Prayer for Financial Help (“Take care, this prayer is not an alternative to fiscal responsibility!” …enough with the caveats, already!)
Prayer for Your Children (discounted to $1.95 per month: “This is the cheapest prayer you can get for the Information Age, it can be said each day for an entire month for only $1.95”)
and of course we have the “Special Discount Package: The Lords Prayer, The Morning Prayer, 5 Get Well Prayers and Peace Prayer, only $19.95 each Month”
Finally, there is a Q&A page that includes:
Are prayers blasphemous when voiced by a computer?
We recommend you contact your local clergy for a personal answer, however we think that Information Age Prayer is a new and exciting way to connect with God.
What will they think of next? When money is involved, there is no telling the limits shysters will go to! (But they give 10% of all their revenue to charity!)
You can find the Information Age Prayer here.