A Contrast of Confrontations

15 October 2014

confrontationTonight I was reminded of an event that happened 35 or so years ago and it stood in contrast to an event that happened tonight.  It may show the different ages in which we live, or it may show different leadership styles in confrontation, but whatever it shows, I found it profoundly interesting.

Tonight the minister of our church, Guy Gray, spoke on “Understanding Militant Islam”. Guy (after 20+ years at our church) had taken a sabbatical over the late spring & summer.  In addition to some time in Israel and time in Western Europe with his wife, Guy spent a month at Oxford University in England studying Islam.  He arrived back the middle of August and was asked (with all the news of ISIS and the Muslim Brotherhood and Al-Qaida) to help church members understand some about Islam and specifically about militant Islam. (He noted that militant Islam is a small minority of Islam, but gets almost all of the press).   It was an excellent presentation and may (but also may not because of what happened) be up on the church website soon.

But I want to write about not what happened in the first hour and a half of his presentation, but what happened in the last five minutes.

Guy said something to the effect of “In conclusion…” and a young man (maybe late high school age?) got up, move quickly to the platform and declared that he wanted to speak.  You could feel the tension pulse through the congregation like electricity.

Two things happened: one, Guy invited him up to the platform and two, the security team sprang into action.

The security team was formed after an Easter service a couple of years ago when a mentally unbalanced man rushed the platform and tried to take control of the service.  I wasn’t in that service, but the description from those who were was that it was very disturbing and that there was a feeling of “Oh no, what do we do now!?”

Beginning in the next few weeks and months a security team was formed.  To the best of my knowledge they are not armed, but they are a defined group and they have defined organization, training and tasks. Several times I have seen the security team touching base at one side of the foyer before/between services.  They wear ear pieces (like you see on Secret Service men and women around the President) and are just distributed around the building and the sanctuary, very unobtrusively.

A few months ago, as Loretta and I walked into the main doors of the church, there was a man who came storming out of the church screaming the most profane things and cursing. He was dirty, disheveled, unshaven and definitely out of control.

All of us froze.

Immediately, there were two members of the security team by his side talking calmly, but definitely moving him in a direction where they could speak to him privately.  The greeter at the door quickly jumped into action and called the names of people that he knew, welcomed them and asked everyone to come on inside.  It was handled as smoothly as could be expected.

Tonight, Guy invited the young man up.  When the young man kept saying,  ”I want to say something.” Guy very calmly asked him, “What would you like to say?” and the young man went into a speech about people misunderstanding Islamism and how Muslims love God and how the god they serve is the same god as the Christian God.

What I noticed was that 7-8 guys (mostly BIG guys!) were immediately up.  One was about half way up each of the aisles, 2 were at the front of the stage (but still on the floor of the auditorium).  They were almost within arm’s reach, but there was no attempt to grab or take the young man away.   The staff person who is in charge of the security team was over at the side of the auditorium surveying the room (and I wonder if he was communicating with the team members through their ear pieces). The young man on the platform spoke for maybe 60 seconds and at a breaking point, Guy stepped in, asked his name, offered his own name and shook his hand and thanked him for speaking.  In doing so he led him off of the platform.  The young man walked, accompanied by the two security men who were at the front of the stage and one of them walked with the young man to the back of the auditorium where they sat down together.   When we left, the young man was still sitting in the back with a few people (mostly security people) visiting with him calmly.

Pastor Guy made a comment about how these things were exactly like the things he had heard from Muslims during his time at Oxford and he thanked the young man for his words.  Guy said a few more sentences and then closed in prayer and the session was done.

I believe it was handled masterfully.  Guy was gracious.  He did not try to shut the young man up, but also he didn’t let him go on and on.  He let him say the essence of what he came to say, extended friendship to him, but also helped move him off the platform where people who could accompany the young man stood. If the young man had bolted off of the stage, or harmed the preacher and run…almost anything, there were enough security people to stop him and control him.

This stands in contrast with a similar session when I was in college.  Because it is not a very favorable comparison, I’ll keep names out of it.    The Way, International (led by Victor Paul Wierwille) was a cult that was growing in popularity in the late 1970s.  They were based out of Iowa which was just a few hours’ drive away from where I went to school.  During one chapel time, the school had a seminar on the teachings of The Way. Part way through the presentation a couple of young men got up (who were not from the school) and said that things were being misrepresented and they wanted to speak.  What resulted was a shouting match in which the presenter ordered them to leave the room, said this was a private meeting and that they were trespassing and if they did not leave immediately the police would be called.  This incited the two who began to shout back at the presenter.  They eventually were escorted out and the meeting ended badly.

I recognize that these were two different situations in two totally different time periods.  In the wake of church shootings and such, many churches have security teams. That would have been unheard of in the mid to late 1970s.  I think today it is appropriate. But the security people tonight were both visibly present when a situation arose, but also understated in their actions.  No one spoke except the minister and the young man whom I presume was Muslim.  Guy was very calm, allowed him to share briefly, but was definitely in control of the situation the entire time.   He ended the confrontation (if you can call it that) with extended friendship and agreeing with those things that he could agree with in what the young man said, but emphasizing that this was an example of what many Muslim people would say.

A church service is by nature a public meeting and anyone may attend. 35 years ago, the presentation was in the college chapel service, and while visitors are always welcome, it could (I suppose) be said that it was “a private meeting”…although if they had been friendly visitors they would have been totally welcome.

But the speaker back then was immediately confrontational, he escalated the conflict and basically shut off dialog.  The meeting ended badly and people (at least I) left with a very bad taste in their mouth. That stands in huge contrast with what happened tonight.   The discussions I heard after the service was on the content of what had been presented…little was said about the confrontation at the end other than about how well it was handled.

We live in an increasingly pluralistic age.  That means that we must expect people who don’t agree with us to show up at public meetings.  Not all will act in (what we would consider) an appropriate manner. There is a balance between keeping control of a meeting and being gracious hosts.  Thought and care had been put in place for a security team so that when something happened (both a few months back as well as tonight) key players knew exactly what to do and the spirit to use by which to diffuse the situation.

In the time in which we live, we need to have a well thought through safety plan in churches.  There need to be people who know both that they ARE to respond, but also be trained in HOW to respond (and diffuse situations if possible).  Those people who are leading from the platform, likewise, need to be trained in how to respond to interruptions by non-friendly attendees.

An interesting night, but one that sparked both remembrance as well as reflection within me.

Does your church have a similar plan?  I would love to hear about it if they do.

A Need is Not a Call

12 September 2014

A principle that I have lived by for quite a few years is “A Need is not a Call”. By that I mean, just because there is a need out there, even a need that you could conceivably meet, that doesn’t mean that you should or that God is calling you to meet it.

That flies in the face of so much recruiting and fundraising that we do in churches and non-profits. We think that if we simply can convince people of the NEED that they will respond. Or at least that they SHOULD respond.

I simply do not believe that is the case.

I believe we see this demonstrated in the life of Jesus:

That evening after sunset the people brought to Jesus all the sick and demon-possessed. The whole town gathered at the door, and Jesus healed many who had various diseases. He also drove out many demons, but he would not let the demons speak because they knew who he was.

Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. Simon and his companions went to look for him, and when they found him, they exclaimed: “Everyone is looking for you!”

Jesus replied, “Let us go somewhere else—to the nearby villages—so I can preach there also. That is why I have come.” (Mark 1:32-38)

Jesus’ purpose (and by extension) the purpose of his disciples was to be faithful to the call of God…not to every need that possibly could exist somewhere.

1915strickensb

I have known several individuals who severely limited their effectiveness in leadership because they spread themselves too thin. Whenever a need arose, they felt that they “should” do something about it. Especially if they had the means or ability to do so, they were even more compelled.

But in spreading their financial resources or energy resources or time resources so thinly, they really didn’t have enough to do ANYBODY any good. They give a little here and a little there of their money, time, influence and energy and nobody really benefits to any substantial degree. It may have made them feel good about themselves, but is feeling good about ourselves without genuinely doing good what God calls us to do/be?

Of course, this thinking is predicated upon the assumption that you know what your strengths are, you know what resources are under your control and you have a sense of vision or a sense of God’s call on your life. WHY (specifically) did God put you on earth? Was it to meet your own selfish pleasures only? (Most of us would say no). Was it to do as much general good in the most general way that we can? (I suppose that is better). But God put you in specific relationships, in specific geographic locations, in a specific time period, with a specific gift set. Is it not possible that he has something greater in mind for you than to simply to do as much general good in the most general way that we can?

There is generally a wealth of ways we can benefit others within a specific need point. That doesn’t mean that we only give to one cause or only volunteer for one cause. But we have to ask…if I say yes to giving to this in time or money, what am I saying no to? Is this really how God has called me to spend my time, money, resources, energy, influence?

I recognize that for those of us who have made our living trying to get as broad a base of financial donors and volunteers that we can, which makes our lives harder in one aspect.  But on the other hand, it can make our work easier. We as leaders of organizations recognize that our organizations are not called to be all things to all people. We can’t. WE must focus like a laser beam as an organization to be most effective.

We should expect no less in the lives of our donors and volunteers.

Thoughts on that?

Leadership and Expertphobia

20 August 2014

fear-of-public-speakingIt happened a couple of times in the past week.  Two very different people whom I respect, expressed deep fear and agitation about being in front of someone whom they respect as an expert in their field.

One was a business coach who had gotten called to coach an executive whom she knew only by reputation.   While she normally was a very confident and competent coach, the caliber of this person scared her to death.    She was afraid that her awe of this person would come out and that it would discredit her as a professional coach.  On the other hand, she didn’t want to come across as cocky and overly familiar.

Another was a friend of mine who was going to speak for his church.  Now my friend speaks at other churches and for large groups regularly.    But the church he attends is filled with former ministers and current university/seminary professor types.    He was afraid both about the quality of his style of presentation, but also that he had sufficiently crossed his theological t’s and dotted his hermeneutical i’s.

In both cases, I was reminded of a lesson taught me by one of my mentors, W.F. Lown.   Dr. Lown (former president of Manhattan Christian College) spoke of being in ministry early in his career, preaching as a student in a little out of the way rural congregation, filled with very uncritical elderly people.  They were just happy to have someone filing their pulpit.

One Sunday, however, as he made last minute preparations for the service, two men walked in who struck fear in him!  One was the president of his college and the other was a nationally known speaker.  The two were on their way to an evening joint event somewhere, but since it was Sunday morning, they picked this little out of the way church to attend because it was on their way.

At first Bill Lown tried to get either of the two to speak for the worship service instead of him.  Both demurred.  Then he confess to them his total fear at exegeting the text for the morning.  He said, “Surely both of you have preached on this text many times and would say much more important things than I have to say.”

One of the two (he never said which) gently took him aside and said “Yes, I have preached on this text many times.  Yes, I know what many scholars and commentaries say about this text. But what I don’t know is how God has impressed this text on YOUR heart to share this morning.  And I don’t know how this text has impacted your life and behavior.  So, in fact, you are actually much more prepared to speak to your people on this text than I am.  Please don’t allow our presence to quench what the Holy Spirit wants to do through you this morning.”

Brilliant.  With those simple words Bill Lown was able to go into the pulpit, not only with much reduced fear, but also believing that he had something to contribute to these two men, as celebrated as they were.

Whether you are coaching a celebrated client who (frankly) intimidates you, or you are speaking to an audience that you think is above you, or in some other situation that is unique to you, remember: there is no one else in the world that brings the unique combination of abilities and experiences that you bring to that setting.   No one else can speak from the unique vantage point that you can.   And, as a Christian, I believe that God has not brought anyone else but you to be in that situation.

Use it, not in a proudful way, but in a way of humble confidence.

 

Resilient

17 August 2014

Glen Eden 009I was thinking about my upcoming book on Being Teachable last week.  And a discussion of being “resilient” came to mind.   Here were my thoughts….it may or may not make it into the book, so I’ll record them here:

What is the relationship between being teachable and being resilient?

What does it mean to be resilient?  It doesn’t mean stubborn.  If one is too hard and fixed, life happens and we get shattered  Resilience implies a bit of flexibility.

On the other hand, resilience doesn’t imply being amorphous.  If something either has no defined shape or substance, resilience means little or nothing.  If someone/thing easily changes from one form to another what part of it (if any) can be said to be resilient?

I think of many of the trees that line the Oregon coast.  The ones that are there a long time have had to be resilient.

With the shifting sand, the the strong winter winds, the harsh salt spray, a tree that doesn’t have both a strong root system as well as some level of flexibility will not stand.  And often, the area right off the beach is littered with the remains of trees that were not resilient.  But the few that remain, although bent and often sparsely covered, are truly resilient.  While in other places they would not be considered beautiful, in THIS place they are remarkably beautiful.  Strong and beautiful.

So, if we are to be teachable, we must be resilient.  That means pretty much what it means for the beach trees:  we must have a strong root system.  Being resilient doesn’t mean being gullible and following every trend that comes down the street. We know the difference between being solid in what we believe and being rootless or shallow.  (I think James uses the word picture to describe doubt, but I think it also describes not having a stable belief/root system:”like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind….  Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.” (James 1:6b-7)

On the other hand, the teachable person must be flexible.  They must know when to bend, when to question their presuppositions, when to listen to others.

The teachable person may not be the most beautiful person in certain situations (people on both sides of the aisle will condemn them), but in the end they will survive…they will be resilient!

 

Beach photo by Loretta Habig, Glen Eden, OR (2006)

Encouragement in Discouraging Times of Ministry

13 August 2014

DiscouragedWorkerI don’t know if it was Robin Williams’ suicide earlier this week, but there was an interesting conversation today at a ministers’ luncheon I attend.  One of the members asked, “What do you do when you get discouraged in ministry?”  (I am not saying either that any of them were suicidal, or that Robin Williams’ suicide was caused by mere discouragement instead of significant mental health and substance abuse issues) but it seemed an interesting time to bring it up.  The discussion was interesting and I though worth sharing.

The first (and quick) reply was that one minister has “two atheist friends who I go to when I’m discouraged.”  (That caught MY attention).  This pastor said that conversations with those two friends reminded her of why she does what she does.  In return one of them has said, “We need you to keep doing what you’re doing.  You are the only reason I don’t go bomb a church!”  Hopefully the atheist friend was speaking in hyperbole.   But it helps my pastor friend keep focus.

Another said that she focuses her attention on her family and marriage.  She’s is in a very stressful place in the church’s life where she serves in an associate role. The ability/opportunity to really focus the bulk of her attention on making good things happen in her marriage and family get her through the difficult times.

What I was going to say was that doing hospital calling or nursing home calling always encourages me when I am down with church work.  But before I said it another minister offered it. For both of us, seeing the people with REAL problems as well as seeing the genuine encouragement that our presence almost always brings helps me to face the discouraging things in ministry elsewhere with a better attitude.  I found it interesting that the one who offered this and I were the two oldest ministers in the group.  None of the younger ministers mentioned this or chimed in that they found this helpful as well.  Whether this is a matter of age, tempediscouraged womanjpgrament, or demographics of congregations, or coincidence I’m not sure.

Similar to this, one person reported that a pastor friend of theirs had always said, “Getting back to the basics of ministry” is what encouraged them.  What that looked like, my lunch-time peer did not explain.  I suspect that relates to what I have said above and what I will say next.  Doing the things which are the essence of our call (whatever that is) helps get us back in touch with why we do what we do.

A fifth person stated that making sure that he worked out of his spiritual giftedness was always the thing that got him out of his discouraged places.  In ministry few of us have the opportunity to only work in our area of giftedness.  There are always things we are called to do that we’re not great at, but which still require our attention.  Those can be the things that discourage us.  He said that the answer is not to quit doing the things in your area of lesser strength, but to make sure you are spending plenty of time in the areas in which you are especially spiritually gifted.

A sixth person spoke of the need to manage expectations.  Both the expectations of the congregation and the rest of the staff, if you are in multiple staff church, of our families, but also the self-expectations.  Because ministers are (as a lot) too often people-pleasers, they (we) tend to become discouraged when someone (anyone!) is displeased with what we do.  And if no one is ever displeased, then frankly, we are not going anything of much importance.  When you are doing important things, people will have differing solutions to the problem.  Many times people become displeased if THEIR solution is not used.  We must manage the expectations…of the members of our congregation, of the staff around us and of ourselves.

An interesting perspective came from a local church minister who also works in a conflict resolution ministry.   He said that he usually get discouraged when he is out of sync with someone.  “Having the tough conversations” (in his words) is what gets him from a place of discouragement to a better place of balance.   It may not resolve the conflict, but you know that you have done everything within your power to make the relationship right.  As scripture says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” (Romans 12:18).  It may not always be possible, but do what you can to live in peace.

Last, related to this, I commented on the need to monitor our time with negative people.   Another person chimed in, “6% of church people are life-blood and energy sucking vampires, but they demand 80% of our time!”  I might have worded it differently, but the truth is  in there.  There are negative people and spending too much time with them is not only not our call, it is destructive to our call.   When those people are in key leadership positions, the problem is acerbated, but it is still true that you must be putting lots more positive people in your life to counter balance the “vampires”!

So..in the comments section… would you share…what do you do when you become discouraged in leadership and/or ministry?

On Approaching the End of a Fast

3 June 2014

I know what Jesus says about talking with other people about fasting.

Matthew 6:16-18: “When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show others they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to others that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.”

On the other hand, Scripture freely reports that Jesus fasted (Matt 4.2), Moses fasted (Exodus 34.28), Israel fasted (Judges 20.26), the early Christians fasted (Acts 13.2) and Paul fasted (2 Corinthians 11.27). (Plus many others). If the fact of it is reported so freely in scripture, then probably I am OK in reporting the fact of it and some of the reasons behind it.

And so, if in writing this I forfeit the benefits of fasting, I guess so be it. But I don’t think that is the case & I believe some observations are warranted and might be helpful to others.

For the past twenty seven days I have been on a coffee fast.  When I have fasted before it has been from all solid food and usually for a day or two.  In our American culture of entitlement, I actually l felt more noble than humble when I fasted from food (humility, not pride is supposed to be part of the purpose of a fast).

But on May 6, the idea came to fast from coffee for 30 days.  It was suggested by someone else in a very round about way:  “You can ask me to fast from anything but coffee!” But whose words struck my heart and I decided to fast from coffee for thirty days.  I don’t think I have fasted from one specific item for any length of time.  I have recommended it, but when I have fasted it has always been a total solid food fast. coffee-cup

The plan was this:  whenever I thought of coffee, I would stop and pray for two things: the first is the finances of a Christian ministry I am involved with and that they will have wisdom on how to use the finances at their disposal, and the second is a personal matter.   I knew I would certainly  think of coffee if I couldn’t have any!

That (according to my understanding) is the purpose of a fast:  It is not to earn brownie points with God for denying yourself.  It is to take that time that you might spend doing something (like eating) and instead use it for prayer and Bible reading.  It is NOT simply denying yourself something. When I have preached on fasting, numerous people have said,”Oh yeah…I fasted when I wanted to lose weight fast.  It was a great way to lose weight.”  (BTW: it is NOT “a great way to lose weight.”)  Fasting is replacing that thing (eating, coffee) with something that can better attune you to God’s heart and will.  It is not bending God to your will. It is bending yourself to God’s will, believing that he will act when our will is aligned with his.

I don’t have a lot of memories of my dad…he died when I was a kid, but one memory I have is of him fasting.  He was in the living room reading his Bible while the rest of the family ate in the dining room.  I thought it was kind of weird at the time (like most kids do), but it made an impression.

Those of you who know me well know that this coffee fast is kind of a big deal.  Coffee is an important part of my life. I really like coffee.  That is in part because I live in the Pacific Northwest and there is a huge coffee culture here. (It has something to do with staying warm in the rainy bone-penetrating damp-cold winters).  But l also like the taste. I like tasting the differences in coffees grown in different parts of the world, or in different climates or roasted and blended in different ways.    But I also realize that there is some either physical or psychological addiction to coffee within me.  I didn’t do it to be especially spiritual.  I did it because I knew I would miss coffee and so that would be a great prompt to pray.

Now let me make one thing clear…this was not a caffeine fast.  It was a coffee fast.  I still drank my fair share of caffeinated hot tea, cold Coke Zeros and chocolate!  I knew that if it was caffeine fast that this would be an entirely different matter, involving some physical withdrawal that I thought would distract me from my purpose.  That may have been rationalization, but so be it.   I wasn’t even sure I could do a thirty day coffee fast…going without coffee for thirty days seemed almost undoable.  But I really wanted something that would remind me to pray.

Several observations:

1. My plan worked…for the first couple of weeks.  The first couple of weeks I thought of coffee a lot…many times a day.  And I always (as far as I can remember) turned to prayer when I thought of coffee.  I don’t know if it jazzed the effectiveness of my prayers with the Lord, but it did serve the purpose of reminding me to pray more regularly.

It did NOT work so well, however in Weeks 3 & (so far) 4.  But the reason may not be what you think.  I just don’t think of coffee that much anymore.  It simply didn’t come up.  Oh when I would meet someone for a meeting at a coffee shop & smell the coffee it would bring back those longings, but generally (since I was getting my caffeine fix from other sources) I came to not miss it so much.

2. I actually felt estranged from many parts of my life.  As I have said, coffee culture is very big around here.  And to not be participating in that felt like I was isolating myself a bit. And that didn’t feel great.  I spend a lot of time working in coffee shops.  And I reduced that a lot this past month.  And I missed it.  I’m not sure where that sense of estrangement came, but that is an interesting observation about me.

3. It was surprising how many people automatically felt that the only reason to go off of coffee was for health reasons.  Whenever someone offered me coffee and I declined and said I was “laying off coffee for a while” everyone just assumed it was for health reasons.  “Oh I need to cut back on my coffee consumption as well.  It’s not good for you.”  “Yes coffee raises my blood pressure too. I really should cut back.”  Not one person asked “Why are you laying off coffee?”  They just presumed it was for physical health reasons.   Interesting that we don’t think there can be any other reason.

4.This whole thing that I began this article with—not telling anyone that you are fasting—has been a growth area for me as well.  I didn’t tell my wife.  I genuinely thought it was best not to even share that you are fasting.  But it came up in conversation with someone else and my wife was “concerned” that I had not shared this with her.  That scripture from Matthew does not say we can’t tell anyone we are fasting.  It says, don’t make a show of it and try to impress people with how “spiritual” you are.  Just do it and otherwise go on with life normally.  But (as I also have noted above) the scriptures are pretty open about Bible people fasting.  It isn’t some deep dark secret.

So…three days to go.  This has been a good experience. We’ll see what happens with the finances of the ministry I am involved in and in the issue in my (Loretta’s and my) personal life.  I will say, however, that I am really looking forward to having a cup of coffee on Saturday.  Please excuse me…I have a couple of things I need to go pray about….

Why a Senior Minister/Executive Director Should NOT Coach an Employee

17 April 2014

It happened again last week. A minister spoke bitterly about a former senior minister (the same situation could have described an executive director of a non-profit). The employee needed some coaching and his supervisor said, “I’ll just coach you!” The supervisor had served as a “coach” to some ministers in other churches, and so this seemed to be a natural fit.

It was a disaster.

The employee eventually left, a long-time friendship was shattered and the supervisor felt misunderstood and confused.

There were two problems

The first was “Hat Confusion”. We all wear different “hats” in our lives: boss, friend, husband, wife, coach, etc. And there are times when we are in a relationship with someone on several levels. What happens is that it is impossible (at best, extremely difficult) for both sides to understand what hat each is wearing at any specific time. Intent and perception can greatly differ.

In the case cited above, the senior minister was also friends with this church staff person. You had each wearing three hats. One wore friend, pastoral shepherd, and supervisor hats, the other wore friend and member of congregation and employee hats. The senior minister tried to add a fourth hat (coach) and put the coachee hat on his friend/employee.

It is too easy for the supervisor to slip from one hat to the other or for the employee to think that the supervisor is wearing one hat when he/she intended to be wearing another.

Second, this was added to the problem that this senior minister saw “coaching” as telling rather than asking (a common but dangerous misunderstanding) and a wall of resentment and anger was built.

In talking with the (former) employee lights went off in his head when I described how what his Supervisor had done was Consulting…not Coaching. We talked about the difference:

· Consulting is coming along side someone and telling them what they should do in a situation or how to solve a problem. The hope is that the employee will learn the task or the lesson and be able to perform it on his/her own in the future.

· Coaching is basically about asking questions—drawing the answers out of the coachee to help them solve the problem for themselves. (You are building people, not simply accomplishing a task).

Here are some reasons why a supervisor should NOT coach an employee:

· The employee will likely come up with only those ideas that he or she knows his supervisor will approve of. Creativity is stifled. Brainstorming depends on coming up with lots of ideas—good and bad–in order to come up with the best idea.

· The employee will be hampered in what he/she says because the supervisor (usually) holds the power to hire/fire and promote/demote. What is said by the employee will be calculated to make sure that nothing comes up that will jeopardize his/her position.

· If the supervisor is the problem, it is highly unlikely that the employee will bring up that fact…and the problem continues to go unaddressed.

· Coaching is much slower than directing/managing. Many supervisors get exasperated with the time it takes and just slip back into “tell mode”. Tony Stolzfus tells the story of leading a workshop where he demonstrated a coaching situation with a church employee. A few senior ministers walked out of the session. When he followed up with them later, they said, “I don’t have time for that. I know what they should do and so I would just tell them!” Coaching is much more time intensive and most senior ministers/execs of non-profits don’t have that kind of time and so they will “cut to the chase.”

What is the answer? To have an outside coach who works with the employees. Whoever pays for the coaching gets the right to set some of the desired results of coaching. Depending on the situation, the coach gives periodic reports to the group “sponsoring” (paying for) the coaching. Initial guidelines are established about what may and what may not be shared with the sponsor/employer. (It is very common for me to send reports bi-monthly or quarterly to a board or elders or a pastor relations board describing where we are in the process. This is, of course, balanced by my commitment to confidentiality for the client).

While not a minister or non-profit leader, John Russell, Managing Director of Harley-Davidson Europe Ltd. has said: “I never cease to be amazed at the power of the coaching process to draw out the skills or talent that was previously hidden within an individual, and which invariably finds a way to solve a problem previously thought unsolvable.”

Process Items-An Introduction

24 February 2014

Since 1981, Dr. Bobby Clinton, has directed the Leadership concentration in the School of Intercultural Studies at Fuller Theological Seminary and served as professor of leadership.  Before and since then, he has been a student of how leaders are formed and how their leadership skills develop.

In his years of study Clinton has identified what he calls “Process Items”.  Process Items are events, people, situations, or relationships that significantly contribute to the shaping of a specific leader.

In investigating and plotting the leadership growth of well over a thousand leaders, Clinton has been able to categorize these into 52 categories with “like properties and functions”[1]

The purpose of this is far from theoretical (although it also has a highly theoretical justification).  Knowing process items can be used retrospectively as well as diagnostically.  By that I mean that a man or woman can look at their life history and see the events, people, situations, or relationships that God has put into his or her life and see God’s hand in shaping them.  This should be of interest to Christians, both current leaders and potential leaders, because it is possible to see what God has being doing to shape one.

But just as important is the way that process theory can affect how we look at current events.  As we go through life, there can be a lot of confusion.  There can be difficult decisions.  It is easy to get distracted or discouraged by “what life throws” at you.  But knowing these process items can help us to see the sense in many of the senseless things that happen to us.  We can see how God is currently bringing events, people, situations, or relationships into our lives to fashion us into the leaders that He wants us to be.

My goal over the next several weeks (perhaps months) is to go through many of these “process items” and describe them both theoretically, but also practically…how have I or those around me seen these work out in our lives.

I could list them all out with a one sentence definition and be done with it. But I don’t think that is at all helpful.  It becomes one more piece of relatively useless information for us to stick away somewhere in either a physical or mental file and seldom (if ever) retrieve.

My hope is that by slowing us down, I can help you to begin to ask the questions like: how have I seen this lived out in my life?  Has this been my experience?  Is God doing this in my life right now?  How should I react to it?

Much more than intellectual theory, my purpose is to encourage you:

  • To encourage you to see God’s active involvement in your life both currently as well as in the past.
  • To encourage you to consider that perhaps God is calling you to be more of a leader than you have previously seen yourself.
  • To encourage you to look at the people around you with expectant eyes:  how can you help THEM to see God’s active work and development in their own lives?

Process items won’t be the only thing I write about (my ADD keeps me from staying on one specific track too long!).  But my main goal is to go through most of these process items, while at the same time interspersing them with other insights and challenges.

And so with that brief introduction, let’s begin…next time I will post the first of the Process Items in our look at Clintons 52 Process Items in the Life of the Christian Leader.


[1] All quotations come from Bobby Clinton, Leadership Emergence Theory: A Self-Study Manual.  Altadena, CA: Barnabas Publications, 1989.

To Office or Not to Office? (at a Coffeeshop)

14 February 2014

It happened again today.

I leave home (where my “office” is located) and head out to a public place to work.  Sometimes it is a library.  Sometimes it is a café or restaurant.  Most often it is a coffeeshop.

It would seem that someone sitting working on their iPad with earbuds in, with papers spread out in front of them would be working and not want to be disturbed.

Oh, disruptions happen, you have to expect that…there are loud conversations or people in the coffeeshop. People you know come over to greet you (that’s part of the reason you are there!).

But I mean intentional disruptions.  It has happened twice now the past two times I have gone to the closest Starbucks (SB) near my home.  It is a smaller SB than most, I recognize it.  And sometimes I squirrel myself away at the back bar.  (But back there you have the constant hustle of the barristas fixing drinks, getting pastries, conversing with customers loudly as they have moved away from the register to fill the customers order & doing cleaning—all right in your face.  That’s OK…it’s there job…it’s just not conducive to productive work.)

But the past two times, I have been sitting working and strangers have intentionally had mostly one-way monologues with me.

The last time was there, an elderly lady who kept leaning into my face to whisper clandestine things to me about the baristas, about Howard Schulz and about Starbucks stock.  I smiled politely, but the only final solution (well…except the one below) was to bag up my stuff and leave.

Then today (the next time I was at this specific SB to work), a guy sitting next to me decided he wanted to tell me all about his jewelry business, and the business climate in New England (where most of his jewelry goes) and the wonderful places he has lived.  I had my earbuds in and plugged into my iPad, and was working on a marketing project for my coaching business. I confess to occasionally smiling or nodding in agreement with what he was saying, but I intentionally did not engage him in conversation, all to no avail.

Now, I know what I SHOULD have done.  I should have said: ”I’m sorry and don’t mean to be rude, but I’m on the clock and working on a project and really need to concentrate.” (which is true…when you work for yourself you are always on the clock).    But that is very hard for a people-pleaser like me to do.

Again, I finally bagged up my stuff and headed out.

coffee shopCoffee shops can be great places as second or third offices, or they can be horrible places for productivity. Because I try to network with people to build my coaching practice, being in public like that CAN be of benefit.  Just being in a different location can spur the creativity.  Serendipitous meetings happen semi-regularly (God-ordained meetings, I call them).

It sounds counter-intuitive, but you can have less distractions in a public place like a coffee shop.  The familiarity of an office environment make it easy for people to just stick their heads in “for a minute.”  Phone calls, questions, trips to the water cooler or break room to refill your coffee, all that lead to multiple interruptions.   In a coffee shop, even the buzz of people talking makes for a good white noise background for me to work.  The coffee shop is even better than working alone at home many times because there are the distractions of home jobs to be done, personal phone calls, the refrigerator or pantry, plus other distractions.

And except for the most extreme introverts, there is the joy of the surprise meetings and conversations.

But it can also be a pain. Partly it depends on the flavor of the coffeeshop. The one I have been referring to is between two large retirement (55+ only) communities. And so the nature of this coffeeshop is that it gets lots of retired people (and lots of lonely people), both who seem to see the SB as a place to go and engage people in conversation.  I don’t mind a brief social conversation, but one that is one-sided and goes on and on, gets old!

A few suggestions for privacy I have found (or, am finding):

  1. Know the culture of the coffeeshop.  This one is a place, as I have said, that is frequented by lots of people LOOKING for conversation.   Others are filled with people on their laptops or iPads working or in meetings with other business people.  Another one I know if you go upstairs you can almost guarantee you will find young mothers meeting for coffee & letting their children run free, to scream and try to engage the other customers with questions.    All fine and good, but not a productive place.
  2. Shift around coffeeshops.  I have what I call my “circuit” that I make—coffee shops in Tigard (where I live), King City, Sherwood, Tualatin, Lake Oswego and Beaverton. The reason for that is so that you don’t become a fixture in one certain shop so people feel familiar enough just to interrupt you.   Also if you are hoping to prospect, you have a different clientele in each cafe.
  3. Don’t sit near the door or the cash register.  Not only can the temperature fluctuations be bothersome, but as people come in and out, or as they wait in line to pay they are more liable to stop and chat.
  4. Business/contact cards: One of the things that amazes me is people who don’t always carry a business card or two with them, especially when in public places. There’s a good chance you might meet somebody who you can work with, work for, or otherwise might want to contact later on.   It is also a great conversation delayer: “I’d love to visit more about this, but can’t quite now.  Here is my card.  Could you drop me an email and let’s try to set a mutually agreeable time to really spend the time we need on this matter.”
  5. Ear buds or headphones.  The sound deafening headphones are nice, but awkward looking and really communicate: STAY AWAY!  Earbuds can have the same effect (although not cutting out as much noise) and are much more comfortable.  I would say beware of sound deafening ear buds.  I have a pair (bought for me by my wife at very pretty price) and they don’t keep out any more noise than a regular set of earbuds.

A few more suggestions that are not privacy related.

  1. I shouldn’t need to say this, but I will.  BUY SOMETHING!  It is really tacky to use a stores space, chairs, tables, electricity, wifi, etc. and not buy anything.  The baristas can be your best friend, but they need to know that you are supporting them (and tipping).  They can help you with hidden outlets, making introductions to other customers, even giving you that extra refill.
  2. Security hardware.  I have a cable lock for my laptop.  I can lock it to the table or chair at which I am working if I need to go to the bathroom.  If you don’t, take your phone, purse or laptop with you to the toilet. Better look awkward than lose your equipment.  Starbucks in the NE US reports an increased rise of thefts of electronic equipment from their customers.
  3. Know the condition of your computer safety software.  It is not at all difficult for people to get your info as you work on public wifi.  A surprising number of shops have really low-grade Wi-Fi encryption and security.
  4. A spare battery.  (This one I still need to do).  You cannot guarantee that you will get a plug (and some people don’t like to take their plug in cord anyway).  But there’s nothing worse than being in the middle of a big project and have your battery warn you that it’s low and is about to close down your computer.
  5. Last I might suggest a packet of 2:3 prong converters and or surge protector and screen wipes.  It depends how much “stuff” you want to carry around.

Malcomb Gladwell is known and appreciated by many in the business world.  He is the author of several best selling business books such as Outliers, The Tipping Point, Blink, David & Goliath and others.  He loves to write in cafes and coffee shops.
(begin quote)

There’s one in the lower East Side.

“The waiters are all Australian and they play The Smiths all day long which I find so fabulous. I always go there on the weekends. Then there are restaurants in Little Italy that I go to. I often go to these places in the middle of the afternoon, when they’ll let me linger.”

In his acknowledgements in Blink, Malcolm thanks the staff of Savoy in SoHo. “I go there so often. I wrote a big chunk of my book there. They have these huge windows and they open them out so that people on the street are walking right by you. You feel the traffic; you feel in the middle of things and paradoxically I find it very calming.”

Malcolm started his working life as a newspaper writer. “I loved the newsroom. When I left it I wanted to recreate the newsroom and the closest thing to a newsroom is any kind of random active social space.”

A café where “different people are doing different things” is perfect.

But for all of its advantages, having a coffee shop as a second or third office takes discipline.  For ME, it means the discipline to look someone gently but firmly in the eyes and say, “I’m sorry and don’t mean to be rude, but I’m on the clock and working on a project and really need to concentrate.”

God’s Quiet, Drawing Love

12 February 2014

I have a coaching peer whom I have gotten to know over the past six months.  Actually, we met by phone 3-4 years ago after we both were in a telephone coaching group and discovered that we both were from Portland.  After the group ended, we tried to get together for coffee, but nothing ever came of it.  But we see each other semi-regularly now.  She is about 10 years older than I am; she is short, and loud and full of laughter.  I’ll call her Deborah, although that is not her name.

Deborah describes herself as an “agnostic Jew”.  She is a Jew in heritage only and if she has ever practiced her faith it has been many, many years.

Last night we were at an event and Deborah was discussing the top 5 important events in her life.  (it fit in context).  One of the five events was her “adoption” of a younger woman she calls her granddaughter. Deborah ‘s comment was ”She needed a grand-mother and I needed a grand-child.”   It wasn’t a legal adoption—the girl continued to live with her own biological parents.  But she is a part of Deborah’s life and Deborah is included in special days as a part of this family.

None of that is overly noteworthy.  As a lifelong single person it gave her joy to have a person to dote on, to share life with and to pour love into.

What struck me was the number of times she raised God in the accounting of this relationship.  She thanks God for the granddaughter; she is totally convinced that God brought this young girl into her life.  She said, God knew what each of us needed and answered the problem by giving us to each other.”

Deborah said that every night before she goes to bed, she thanks God for this girl (now young woman).

This agnostic Jew thanks God every night and prays for her wellbeing.

This woman who has never practiced a faith spoke of God working in her life.

There are two reactions one could have.  One is (probably) the old me and one is the newer me.  It would be very easy to rail against this woman.  Many people don’t “believe” in God because of a variety of reasons—life has dealt them a difficult hand, he hasn’t answered a fervent request like they wanted, he makes demands and expectations on their life.  (I’m not saying all people who profess agnosticism or atheism came to that conclusion because of those reasons, but certainly many have).

And it would be easy to look down and say what a hypocrite this woman is:  she doesn’t want to acknowledge God in any other part of her life, but when it comes to warm fuzzies, she talks like there is a God and he is active in her life.

There is a time when I would have condemned her as hypocritical and superficial.  I could have seen it as my role to point out to her the inconsistency of her view and, if I were quick on my feet, I might quote Job 2:10: “Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?”  The “evangelistic” part of me would have called her to repentance and to turn towards God.   As I was looking up something else on the web today, I came across the title of a webpage that (unfortunately) might have described the attitude I might have taken towards Deborah: “Atheists/Evolutionists: God Almighty put eternity into your hearts and you cannot get it out!”[i]

There is another way to look, however, and that is how I choose to look at Deborah: I see this young woman as God’s reminder to Deborah of His love for her.  He is still active in her life and is still, lovingly, calling her to a relationship with him.  The picture of how the Deborah and the granddaughter needed one another is a metaphor for how Deborah and God need one another.  My role is to rejoice with her that God is moving in this part of her life and to help her look for other areas in which God is active…and allow him to continue to draw her to himself.

It is not my job to “win her” to anything.  My role may be as a friend who can point her to the God who lives and loves and wants relationship with her.  But to push in too fast, too hard would almost certainly push her away.  I trust in God’s timing and in God’s process. I trust that He is “winning” her to himself with his love and not by my arguments.

Why, then, can’t I do that with myself?  I have my own “issues” with God.  I could call them questions, but they are more than questions…they are “issues”.

Part of me wants to push God away because of hurtful things that have happened, or things that haven’t gone my way.  And there is enough of the old judgmentalism within me to soundly criticize (even condemn) myself for that.

But I am slowly learning to hold that judgmentalism at arms length.  Instead I focus on the things with which God has blessed me and remind myself that they are signs both of his presence and his love.   Just as I am willing to be patient and wait on God’s timing for His work in Deborah’s life, so I am growing in my wiliness to be patient and wait on God’s timing for His work in my life.

What things has God put into your life as markers of his love and his desire to draw you closer to Himself?  Thoughts you have on this?



[i] Wendell Tenison . “Atheists/Evolutionists: God Almighty put eternity into your hearts and you cannot get it out!”[i]Retrieved from www.thewholetruthnow.com/atheist.htm

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